Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Oh don't mind me. I'm just venting.

Pfffffttttt where do I begin?? My current mood is frustrated, clustered, fed up. For multiple reasons. Still my best friend is just engrossed in her fiancĂ©. Oh I'm happy that she's found the one and whatnot. I just feel like it's one of those "Oh I've got a man now I don't need you -breaks up and comes running back to me sobbing and crying" situations and it's frustrating obviously. I was here with her all this time and I'm feeling forgotten. I'd never fucking forget her -___- -goes off topic to make a point- I joined this site about a month ago. A kind of kinksters site and I'm really feeling like I belong there. It's just in my nature to be interested in all things sex. I perv when I want to but it's more that sex is interesting? I don't know how to describe it. I want to try new things, I want to do new things. Now if my family knew about this they'd just seize and die, being the religious folks they are. So now I'm feeling like I *finally* have a niche of some sort and I can't have at it for fear of being judged or unaccepted. -now I'm making my point- So now I feel repressed and clustered. Like I need to stretch my legs but I've got no room. It's becoming to the point where I'm highly annoyed whenever I think about it. I even talked to my mum today about moving out and she said "After your degree.". I've lived 5 fucking years repressing just being bisexual. Now I have to repress my inner sex fiend AND my sexuality for 4-5 more years?? I'm tearing up thinking about it!! I'm very very frustrated. I don't want to lie and sneak around behind my mum's back but I feel like I may have to to get some sort of release! I'm near exploding! The next thing annoying and frustrating the hell outta me is finances. OR LACK OF IT. It is the single most annoying thing on the face of the planet. To have to struggle for things. I want to do SO much and I'm being held back because I have no money!! My mind has been going over having a 'sugar-daddy' too many times in the last couple months. I don't want to become dependent on anyone. I'm tearing up as I type this, I'm so frustrated and fed up. I've no idea what to do. I'm just tired of having so many restrictions, so many things holding me back. I'm just tired and fed up.

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