Saturday, February 18, 2012

Epiphany

I just realized I'm a very unhappy person. I keep my problems in and/or shove them to one side so that I can be happy but this always end up in me reaching a point where I can't take any more and I explode. I rage and burn for a little while and then I fizzle out, going back to keeping my problems in again. I just realized that this fixes nothing. I have to actually deal with it. I'm not sure that I know how to. I do talk to a couple people about what I'm going through and I blog, but is that dealing? I'm not sure but I just know that I'm unhappy. Deep down I am.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Oh don't mind me. I'm just venting.

Pfffffttttt where do I begin?? My current mood is frustrated, clustered, fed up. For multiple reasons. Still my best friend is just engrossed in her fiancĂ©. Oh I'm happy that she's found the one and whatnot. I just feel like it's one of those "Oh I've got a man now I don't need you -breaks up and comes running back to me sobbing and crying" situations and it's frustrating obviously. I was here with her all this time and I'm feeling forgotten. I'd never fucking forget her -___- -goes off topic to make a point- I joined this site about a month ago. A kind of kinksters site and I'm really feeling like I belong there. It's just in my nature to be interested in all things sex. I perv when I want to but it's more that sex is interesting? I don't know how to describe it. I want to try new things, I want to do new things. Now if my family knew about this they'd just seize and die, being the religious folks they are. So now I'm feeling like I *finally* have a niche of some sort and I can't have at it for fear of being judged or unaccepted. -now I'm making my point- So now I feel repressed and clustered. Like I need to stretch my legs but I've got no room. It's becoming to the point where I'm highly annoyed whenever I think about it. I even talked to my mum today about moving out and she said "After your degree.". I've lived 5 fucking years repressing just being bisexual. Now I have to repress my inner sex fiend AND my sexuality for 4-5 more years?? I'm tearing up thinking about it!! I'm very very frustrated. I don't want to lie and sneak around behind my mum's back but I feel like I may have to to get some sort of release! I'm near exploding! The next thing annoying and frustrating the hell outta me is finances. OR LACK OF IT. It is the single most annoying thing on the face of the planet. To have to struggle for things. I want to do SO much and I'm being held back because I have no money!! My mind has been going over having a 'sugar-daddy' too many times in the last couple months. I don't want to become dependent on anyone. I'm tearing up as I type this, I'm so frustrated and fed up. I've no idea what to do. I'm just tired of having so many restrictions, so many things holding me back. I'm just tired and fed up.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Oh Valentine's Day, why do you smite me?

So guys I posted this status on my alt account on Facebook. It's a Standard English remix to the popular soca song "Ah go be single foreva!". This was the reply. Gawd I'm having some emo shit going on with me today.
Lol. Just lol

Ironic Maybe?

Is it ironic that my horoscope (though I rarely believe in those things) today says this:
"You feel like your freight train has come to a stop - or has vanished into a black hole of some kind today. Things were cooking along, then suddenly, your energy just poof! vanished. Don't worry, it will come back. You may find it is hard to get motivated today is all."


Right after I make that big post about being jealous? Cos that's how I fucking feel today. Everything was going great (by my shit standards) and now I feel blehh! Ugh -____-

Jealousy. It's normal, right?

Eh I'm gonna go all emo on you guys today (ish). My best friend from England got engaged on Saturday. I'm not exactly ecstatic about it but I don't hate her about it either. I'm actually really really jealous of her. This jealousy isn't to the point where I want to mess up her relationship or where I don't want to be friends with her. It just hurts me when she talks about her rich boyfriend who dotes on her lovingly for hours and he takes her place and stuff -_____- Why am I jealous you ask? Well for one, she's found someone who can love her long term. Yes I'm young and blah blah but I don't exactly want to have one boyfriend this month to break up with him and have a different boyfriend next month. That's just not who I am. For two, her boyfriend is rich. Not filthy stinkin rich but he can afford some of the excesses of life. What excesses can I afford? Um near none >.> By no means am I a gold-digger but I would like to not have to struggle financial every blessed month. I'm a college student and I have enough of school to stress over without having to think about how I'm getting to and from school and how I'm getting text books for school. Get where I'm going here? It's not a jealousy over something material, like her boyfriend has good hair O.o or he has a lot of money so I can have a lot of stuff :D OK well the money part is a semi-lie. I would love to get out of my house once in a while to hang with my friends (slash hypothetical boyfriend), I'd love to get more beads to do my beading, or even just get a fucking text book for school! I love my brit to bits and I'm happy that she is happy, honestly. She deserves to be treated like a queen or a goddess as her now fiancĂ© is treating her. But don't I deserve the same? I've put up with enough crap over the years and I suppose I'm getting intolerant and and impatient.I don't know. I'm just fed up of living this way and not getting the attention and love I deserve.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Content NSFW!

WARNING: The following content is original erotica written by me. It's copyrighted so no stealing!
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Charlotte's laugh came through my laptop's speakers. I'd said some thing or the other to deserve her laugh. ''No really!'' I exclaimed to my laptop's screen. We were skyping each other like we usually did. My bedroom door burst open and my girlfriend stood just inside my bedroom in nothing but a robe holding her favourite black pvc strap on in her hand. ''Sue.'' she called in a stern voice as she jiggled the thing lightly. My eyes widened as I looked at her. We hadn't had sex in months. I wasn't doing it on purpose. I just prefer to have no sex than uninspired sex. ''Ermmm...'' She sighed, exasperated. ''Oh god c'mon! Put it on! I'll keep Char company for you while you get ready.'' She tossed the strap on at me then winked and grabbed the laptop from off my lap. ''Hey Char! Would you mind if Sue went offline for a bit so that we could have sex?'' she said cherrily. 'Oh my god!' I thought as I headed to the bathroom. 'Lilli's so embarrassing me in front of Char!'. I put the strap on on under my clothes. Lilli loves to undress us as part of our foreplay but she hates having to wait after we were undressed to put on her favourite toy. I could hear her laughing and talking with Char from the bathroom but as I came out to meet her she shut right up and stared at the obvious bulge in my shorts. She was literally drooling. ''Um Char, we'll talk to you later.'' she said hurriedly then shut the laptop closed and shoved it under my bed. She slowly got up from the bed and walked towards me, removing her robe as she approached. Her green eyes looked me over hungrily and I could hear her quickened breath. She finally reached me and cupped my face in her hands. Though I'm the dominant one, you'd never know from just looking at us with her 6 foot frame and my petite 5 foot 2 inches. She slowly bent down to touch her lips gently to mine then swiftly lifted me up and threw me on the bed. ''What the -'' I began. ''Sue! Do you have any idea how HUNGRY I am?!'' she screamed shrilly at me. I just stared at her in shock. She smirked at my silence. ''No, don't say a word, love.'' She crawled onto the bed and began kissing me roughly. I could feel her need, her hunger for my body. Next thing I knew, my body was responding, my nether regions moist and pulsing. She moved her lips from mine to my jaw, my neck, my chest. ''Take off your shirt.'' she growled. I complied submissively. The role swap was turning me on more than I thought it would. She deftly removed my bra then stared, rather appreciatively, at my 36 D cup breasts. She then licked her lips and sucked at one, then the other, hungrily. Goddamn, I should starve her more often. This could be the best sex we've ever had. When she'd had her fill of my breasts, her lips wandered down my tummy, her tongue rimming my belly button, making me moan and squirm. ''Take off your pants.'' she commanded in a whisper. I couldn't comply fast enough. This was what she was waiting for. This 8 inch long, 3 inch thick piece of black, glossy pvc parting her lips and thrusting deep inside her. She mounted me, sliding onto my cock with ease. She was so wet. She needed no help from me. She was taking what she wanted. She rocked her hips on my cock and stroking her clit at the same time. Her eyes were closed in concentration; she was determined to cum. Soon her movements became more frantic. I leaned up to kiss her then I pushed her onto her back and thrust into her hard and fast. ''Oh god Sue.'' she panted. She wrapped her arms around my neck, her legs around my waist. I bent down to kiss her deeply, still thrusting. Then she went over the edge. Her whole body seized, her arms and legs tightened around me in the throes of her orgasm. She even bit my lip as her jaw tightened and clamped shut. Shit. Her body eventually softened and she released me. She took a deep breath and looked me in the eye; she'd been holding her breath for the whole orgasm. ''Oh god you're bleeding!'' she cried. I touched my hand to my lip. She was right. I just chuckled and kissed her. Getting off her I smirked and asked her, ''Had enough?''. Lilli stroked her clit and looked at me, quite satisfied, ''Mmmm... Yes I've had enough. For now.''

Fin

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Fight Hard

For the record, this post has nothing to do with fighting anything. It's a phrase from the song I'm listening to. Lol.

Anyways this morning I woke up to an email from Christine Cho. I had no idea who she is until someone told me she is an artist. She sent me an email saying she'd read my blog and she wants me to try an app she's testing. A diet/weight loss app. I looked at the email and thought, "Hmm why am I getting this? I don't have a food blog... Should I reply? What should I say?" Then I saw the email address. I don't think I should put it up here just in case it's legit. Should I reply?

EDIT: I replied cos I'm a nerd lol

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Chemistry. It comes back to haunt me.

Never, EVER throw out your old notebooks or text books. YOU WILL NEED THEM FOR COLLEGE. Right now I'm trying to do some 'studying' and I've zero reference books from forms 5 or 6. I CANNOT FIND THEM. I set a goal for today and it seems as though I won't be able to fulfil it. No worries. Just make the goal more attainable, right? To boost my ego and calm my nerves, right? Cos I vowed I wouldn't get stressed with school any more and already I'm failing >.> One Physics question and some Chemistry reading. I can handle that :D

On another note, yesterday I got my ex (by magic) to drop me to school and pick me back up. I went to Physics class determined to learn. Sir went on about vectors and scalers and such. Things I did for half of a Math class in Form 5 three years ago. Some of it was vaguely familiar but I want to get it, right? Sure! The man put a vector on the negative side of the Y axis and the vector was positive. I thought to myself, "Alright... Makes no sense but lemme try to understand." Nope! Brain dun get it. "-raises hand- Sir, shouldn't the value of the vector be negative since it's on the negative side of the axis?" He goes on to give an explanation that does nothing to clarify what was on the board. That was when my brain shut down. My brain went, "Fuck this shit! -daydreams, thinks about Facebook-" Try as I might, I could not for the life of me pay attention to the rest of the class. To the end of the class I was so engrossed in my phone and I started feeling really sleepy. The girl sitting next to me even shook me to tell me class was over as if I didn't hear those magical words. I am going to try my best in this class without stressing myself. I already have no stress relief in my life. I don't need extra stress. Whatever grade I get for this class I will gladly take. I'm not going to fail outright. I'll try. I promise. However, I can't and won't stress myself over trying to pass.

Anyways I was thinking of doing a recap of what happened during the months I was not posting. However it's a lot and I was wondering if you guys have any questions about anything. The chickens, cooking etc. If you have any questions, comment on this post. There will be an entire post dedicated to your question AND I may take pretty pictures. I know you gais love pics :D