I thought I'd save you guys from another dreary scheduled word of the day and excite you with ramblings from my mind. I went out with my sister and my friend last night. My sister brought a friend (male) and my friend brought a friend (male). Talk about being the delicious fifth wheel! I was in the middle of the two pairs watching Madea's Big Happy Family. I was already annoyed that the person I was going with wouldn't pick up their fucking phone and I started to get increasingly jealous of my sister and my friend. I mean, c'mon. I'm fucking hot and it's like no one is attracted to me! Boy or girl. Something's gotta be wrong with me, right? So I was already annoyed that I was devoid of a love life (note: my friend had asked me about my love life yesterday) and my sis was being more of an air-head as usual. I hate stupid people. She pissed me off even more. So sitting in the cine and I'm just there. My friend is in her friends lap and my sister is swooning over her guy and I'm just there. It's like I went to the fucking cinema by myself. We walk out and it's like I'm walking alone. Like what the fuck? I honestly can't remember the last time I was annoyed bout being single. Really. And it just baffles me at how annoyed I was last night!! My sister and my friend were trying to make me feel better by trying to include me but it just doesn't work. Third wheels are third wheels. Fifth wheels are even worse I think. Double the ignoring. Double the 'left-out-edness'. My sister was angry at me that I was pissed at her so I just shut up cos I'm jus the rebel kid who's wasting her intelligence on drugs, booze and sex. I just curled up in my bed and talked to people who didn't judge me. My mum asked me if I was ok. 'Course I wasn't! But I told her, "Yea I'm ok." She asked me a second time and I replied just like I had the first time.
I hate feeling like this and unfortunately for me, there's no other way to get over it than ride the wave. I honestly do hate feeling jealous of my sister. Ever since I remember she's been treated better and everyone likes her more than they do me. My parents are more proud of her than me. Like I said before I'm the rebel kid wasting her intelligence on drugs, sex and booze and my sister is Sister Christian. She's almost the perfect daughter. It pisses me off. It really does.
I think I'll end my rant now