Friday, December 31, 2010

Goddamn Fireworks

You guys have no idea how extremely nervous I am right now. This is probably the worst it's ever been. I hate loud noises. Any loud noise. I'm freaked by a balloon popping. Just think about how I am right now with millions of people in my country lighting fireworks before it's even time to do so! And just think about how many fireworks are going up when it's ACTUALLY the new year. I'm hyperventilating right now. My heart is beating hard and fast in my chest. I'm SEEING things. I'm pounding music in my head and I'm still feelings like it's not enough! I'm hearing things through the music. I'm in a fucking state. Gonna take some Panadol and knock myself out. Unless of course you guys have any better ideas.

UPDATE (10:32pm): There is absolutely NOTHING in this fucking house to calm me down. Like seriously?? What the fuck, yo?!?!

UPDATE (11:17PM): The fireworks are getting a little more intense and more scary. I've stopped listening to music and resorted to finding any bit of medication I could fond.d I found some Tylenol but I think it was expired. Tasted nastier than usual going down. I also made mashed potatoes and minced beef to eat. Starting to get a little sleepy now. Gonna continue watching House until I fall asleep.

New Year's Resolutions for 2011

This is my list. I know it's short. I really can't help it. It's hard to look at yourself and know you're fucked up. For the rest of 2011 I'l be tweaking it and updating you all on if I'm making my goals.
  • Make at least 5 new friends
  • Form a group of some kind
  • Earn and save at least $500 every four months ($125 every week)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Random pictures for you to enjoy

When I was sick a couple weeks ago, I noticed that the Panadol box had these hologram-type things on it. I don't know if you guys see them. I circled some of them. If you click the picture, you can see it bigified and maybe you can see them better (Hint: Tilt the screen. If you don't have a laptop, tough beans yo)

My fluffs as I calls them

Nappy time for the fluffs

The white chicken, second from right, is one of three that the two brown ones brought from wherever they came from to live in our yard

The two white one are two of three that USED to stay here. The black one comes and goes however she likes

Aren't they so cute? Sisters!!

One of the orchids that my sister's god-father bought for us for Christmas. Isn't it pretty? It's a green flower. Not yellow like it appears here

This is the other one. So pretty. I think orchids are my fave forever

The green one and the white one

Poinsettias! Red and white. My sister's god-father brought this for us too

Adventures around the interwebs

Second to last day to the end of the year (New Year's Eve Eve)

Seeing as tomorrow is the last day of 2010, I've taken it upon myself to write out my New Year's resolutions for you guys and for myself. Throughout 2011, I'll update you on what resolutions I've kept and the one I'm still working on (or just given up on). Stay tuned! I'll be writing my list now and it'll be posted tomorrow. I must warn you that there might be a lot of personal stuffies in it so if you're not into sex and gore, please don't read. But if you like to mind people's business then go ahead, read then vomit. Lol

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Seventh follower!

I believe I have a new stalker. I love stalkers. They make me feel special. Lovely follower number 7 is the girl over at She's a musician. Can I say that? Her blog design is pretty awesome and she has a widget with some of her music which is pretty cool. I'm into rock, pop, hiphop, alternative, techno, some other stuff. Her music isn't my type but it's cool. So head on over to her blog and tell her I said hi.

Awesome pictures that don't belong to me

These pictures belong to the dude over at I think they are really awesome. He took these pictures with his Blackberry. He does not have a professional camera. I love them. I think he should do more pictures because he loves photography.

Coconut trees on Maracas Bay

Out at the Waterfront

A couple buildings in Port of Spain, our capital

Our National Library

These aren't all the pictures he has on his blog. These are the pictures that I love the most of all that he posted. You guys gotta check out the rest cos there are pictures there that you might like and be interested in. 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Dr. Oz! Dr. Drew! Oprah! Anyone!

Ever since I could remember, I've been plagued with weird pains and aches in my body. I've also been plagued with depression and extremely low self esteem. I have been to a psychologist but it's not as often as I think it should be and that's only because the company my mother works for only allows a certain amount of sessions per employee. I've used them up and I still need help. I've never had any grand amount or great quality of friends. My first best friend (and I remember this really well) was when I was about 6 years old. Her name was Paige. One day she never came back to school. Apparently she had ADD and needed to go to a special school. I called her once some years later and she didn't remember me yet I remembered her so well, up to this day. After that I gained a bully. I was about 7. Primary school was terrible after that because my bully ended up in my class in Standards 4 and 5 after she was in my class in Standard 1. I used to be called gorilla for about three years in primary school. It was because I had these big clunky shoes. I liked them when I bought them but I cursed their existence when I started getting teased.

When I went into secondary school I vowed to be liked and  be more outgoing so more people would like me. Can you say fail? My bully ended up going to my secondary school. In my class. For 5 God forsaken years. For the first term we were cool. Mainly because no one knew anyone and were just settling in. After that, I had made 'friends' with and talked to everyone in my class. I did everything to get them to like me. All but be myself. In Form 1 I had this pain.  Like a stitch. Ever got a stitch? Like when you're running or laughing too much. That's what it felt like but instead of the pain being on my side like a regular stitch, it was inside of me to one side. It wasn't a muscle pain like a stitch is but it felt like a stitch. When I researched it, I saw things about enlarged spleen and if it ruptures death is imminent. I told my mum about it but she dismissed it. It kept hurting. I don't remember for how long it hurt. Weeks? Months? It eventually stopped hurting. I can't even tell you when I realized it stopped hurting. The next pain I remember was a pain in my coccyx. The tail bone. I knew I hadn't fallen off anything or hit my ass on anything so why did it hurt to bend at the hip and sit? Again I talk to my mum but she dismissed it and again the pain disappeared on its own.

I have never been a sick child. At least physically. When I get the cold, it goes away in a week or two. Never broke my arm. Never been to the hospital. I've always stayed out of that kind of trouble. I remember only once that I got a piece of glass in my foot. A good sized piece. That's probably the worst physical injury I've had and I've only been really sick once. That was Form 3 or 4. I had a roaring fever on my way to school but I forced myself to go because I have a Chemistry lab to do. Stupid me. I felt so cold. I can't remember how it happened but my mum came to get me and carried me to the doctor. When the doctor felt me she immediately started to remove my jacket. The air in the room was, I don't even know. 32 degrees Celsius? But I felt like she dumped ice on me. My fever was so high. She told me that I was getting tonsillitis. I had the little pustules on my tonsils. Almost. Another day and I would have had to have surgery maybe. I forget but I think the next day I was home but the day after that I went back to school, antibiotics etc in tow.

I think Form 3 was the lowest point in my life. Lots of details but my bully started bullying me again and I was an extreme introvert. Always alone, always reading. I always took a seat to the back of the class so I knew no one was behind me screwing with me. I was paranoid that everyone was out to get me. I'm still that way sometimes. My bully took a 'class picture' with me to the outside and posted it on the internet with a crazy, derogatory comment. When I saw it, I dismissed it but my sister tripped completely. It was crazy after that. She got suspended from school and I was ostracized from every clique in our class. I think maybe even the year group. I, the quiet one, the one that has no friends, the one that does nothing but good things to people, was ostracized, hated. That was most definitely my lowest point. I was really depressed from then on. I made a couple friends after that, but they weren't real friends. Boasting of being best friends for life and all that bullshit that I actually believed. One of these said 'friends' is dating my ex-boyfriend. Maybe this shouldn't bother me. Maybe it should. I have no idea but none of my friends thought about how I would feel when it happened.

After Form 3, I've always had headaches and aches in my knees. Strange, strange aches. As I write this I have a pain I can't even describe inside of me tearing me apart. I was always taking pain pills. I got immune to then after a while. Had to get stronger ones. I stopped taking pills though because I know I'll get addicted. Right now I use Excedrin for pains when I have to do my exams. Works in seconds, all day long. My mum still dismisses my pain. My headaches have been getting increasingly more painful and more frequent. They come differently every time though. I have what I call my 'stress headache'. It feels like pressure in your head pushing out. It doesn't pulsate. Just a constant pressure from inside pushing out. Then I have some freaky headaches. Like last night, I had a headache that felt like a muscle spasm in my head. Freaky right? It was at the top of my head, to the left and the pain was twitching like a muscle spasm. It was a localized pain. Very painful. It stopped after a couple minutes though. It freaked me out. My best friend told me I need to get it checked and I know that. I just wish that my mum wouldn't dismiss me.

The one time that I wasn't sick (that I remember) that my mum took me to the doctor was to get the doctor to prescribe me The Pill. Yes. The Pill. I kid you not. She flipped out when I told her I had sex with my first boyfriend. The doctor found nothing wrong with me except I had low blood pressure and I wasn't feeling faint. I even got blood drawn but I know it wasn't for as extensive testing as on 'House M.D.' but at least I got something done, right?

I feel like I'm sick. Physically. I know my mind is fucked up. I need help for that for sure. But I feel there's a ticking time-bomb in me. It just needs the right stimulus (for lack of a better word) to explode. I watch a lot of House. You're probably thinking, "Hypochondriac much?" but have you seen what goes on on House? Seemingly random and harmless symptoms aren't really random or harmless. I feel real pains. Real aches. And it's been going on for the better part of my life. I want my head scanned. I want my blood tested for everything. I want ultrasounds of my uterus and ovaries cos my period has been coming late for about 5 or 6 years. I just want something to be done. I'm sick. I know it. There is some underlying reason for all this. I know it. I feel it.

N.B. It took me about an hour straight to write this.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Live to you from the desktop

I'm blogging to you guys live from the desktop at home. Wondering why? The AVG anti-virus software decided to take a little vacation today. I was using my laptop like I usually do and the IMVU client started playing up more than usual. I forced it to shut down and then my whole pc was being stupid and lagging. My laptop battery is "at the end of its usable life" (it's eternally plugged in until the rents can pay for a new battery) so I just pulled the plug and turned off the laptop. Turned it on again and I noticed that AVG was taking forever to come on (for those of you with Windows 7 or Vista will know about gadgets; I had an AVG one) then I saw the flag with the red 'x'. Totally bad news. The flag usually comes up when stuff needs to be done on the pc but when there's a red 'x', things are really bad. AVG was off for some reason. I tried to turn it back on but the program wouldn't even run. Windows Defender was trying its best but I don't really trust it. I tried uninstalling AVG but it refused to get off of my computer. I called my sis to fix it (cos she does I.T. in college) and eventually she got it off and downloaded Microsoft Security Essentials. For some reason I don't trust this either. It's been scanning for 2 hours and 45 minutes and it says 'malicious or potentially unwanted software may exist on my system'. What the fuck was AVG DOING??? I am totally freaking out. I'm addicted to having my laptop with my personal settings and being on IMVU and StumbleUpon and having all my pictures and everything. I so cannot lose all that stuff! and more so I cannot go back to using the desktop! I have a level of privacy on my laptop that I don't have on the desktop and for some reason the IMVU client refuses to be downloaded on the desktop. I NEED to be on IMVU everyday. I'm addicted. Crazy addicted. I'll be lost without my private property. Sigh...

UPDATE: (8:02pm) Still scanning... Approx 3 hours and 40 minutes have elapsed since the scan started at 4:23pm

Sunday, December 26, 2010


My hands are still shaking with this one. So a couple of minutes ago there was a earthquake. Seems like it was country wide cos my cousins living in the east felt it (very far). I didn't hear it at first cos I was listening to music but I heard my dogs freaking out a bit so I turned off my music. Then I heard the rumbling. If you've never experienced an earthquake before, it's pretty scary when you hear the rumbling. I can't even describe it. It comes from deep within the earth. Then you feel the earthquake. The earth just rumbles and shivers beneath your feet. I ALWAYS have a mini heart attack when that happens. My heart just does crazy stuff in my chest. My mum and sis and I gathered under a door frame til it stopped. It wasn't a big one. Maybe a 3 to 5 on the earthquake scale. I'm still shaken up but I'm alive. A little excitement for me and a nice post for you guys.

EDIT: Apparently the earthquake was 5.1 on the scale. Eek!

Adventures around the interwebs

I found this so funny and cute and I'll probably have to deal with this when I get a cat of my own:

Boxing Day: Ethnic Fatigue Continues

The ethnic fatigue from yesterday still persists into today. Guess I ate too much. Therefore, another shitty post comes to you live from my living room. I'm going ahead and surfing the web today as well as spend some time on IMVU. My whole family has the ethnic fatigue. My mum even went back to sleep a couple hours ago. I woke up this morning to my (estranged)father playing his "Sunday's Best", a mix of classical music from Beethoven, Mozart and that opera song from The Fifth Element. You bitches know what I'm talking about. The blue alien sang it and they shot her and one of the stones was inside her. Anyway, my mum wanted to watch tv but father's "Sunday's Best" was not to be turned down or turned off. Result: Competing Noise. And the lil sodder has to balls to ask YOU to turn down the tv cos he can't hear his BLARINGLY LOUD music that anyone in the fucking street can hear. Finally it was turned down and I could watch 6Teen and Stoked on Boomerang.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas and some random pictures

Last night I was gonna take pictures of the turkey preparation but I was so tired so I'm just gonna put some pictures of some random stuff I was doing yesterday to placate you guys until I can actually write something about what happened today. I went to my grandmother's house and I'm plagued with ethnic fatigue and a headache.

Product of me sweeping my room

Shoes in my room. This is how the are all the time, mind you

Our Christmas tree! Mum doesn't like it but I think it's pretty

I've never seen so many gifts under our tree

My doggie Cherrish locked up cos she steals eggs from the coup

Her face just before I let her out

Ditto the sidekick

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Record number of posts in one day!

So this will be the 8th post for today. I'd like to thank modnitePortia SubranJw and the freak I love, DeadEyes-_- for following me today and especially to DeadEyes-_- for bringing in people to my awesome blog.

I'm gonna be posting original poems over the next couple days (maybe weeks) so look out for that!

The Facade

I own a facade
And 'twas only once
Have I removed it in public
I hid away from the world
Where They wouldn't see
The real me
The girl that wishes she had
What They do
The girl that cries
For things They take for granted
The girl that does
What they never thought she would
This girl
This little girl
Cries, sobs, weeps
This weak, defenseless girl
This unhappy, crying girl
I am She
She is me
"Pull yourself together!"
I do scream at her
She does what I say
Then I replace my mask
My facade
Then I face the world

Follow my followers?

Should I follow my followers? Maybe I should. But more importantly, should I friend my followers?

Followers = Friends??

Is this equation true?

What do you guys think?

EDIT: Followers = Friends! Yay!

Seriously? Another follower?

And my sixth follower iiiiissss..... *DRUMROLL* Modnite! Welcome to my crazy blog. I'm sure DeadEyes.-_- brought you over here. So Modnite's blog is called Blank. I like the design. It's kawaii. His blog is like his diary. It's really cute. Love it. So head on over there you guys.

Fifth follower!

So I thank DeadEyes.-_- for this next follower who has done awesome things to his page. I LOVE the design of this blog. Pretty awesome. My design seems inferior. Lol. So head on over to and check it out. By the way, he's a cutie. *winks* You're welcome Jw.

My blog review

So the freak kid I love at wrote a review of my blog on her blog. I love it except she put a fail picture of the noms I made the other day. I won't send my ninjas after her though. So check it out:

Fourth follower!

Dammit I love this kid. Very funny. It's the DeadEyes.-_- girl that's been leaving me awesome comments and making me feel superior. She's got a blog. Yup. It's right here ----> This girl doesn't know that she can have two blogs on one profile on Blogger. But we'll keep that to ourselves. Unless she explains it to us. So head on over there. She's got drawings and pictures and stuff. Tell her hi for me.

Things you should know

I have inserted 'like', 'love' and 'dislike' buttons at the end of my posts. You're free to give me your opinions and click 'em. Also, I'm making it a thing of mine to honour each of my followers by making posts just for them. If they got a blog, I'll be posting a link to their blog, sending you their way. This is my way of thanking you and I'll follow you if you got a blog too. You're welcome!

Third follower!

I think I'll make it a tradition to make a post for each of my followers. Just to make them feel special. So here's my third follower. I have no idea who this person is but she lives in Trinidad with me so I feel a sort of friendship thingy with her. Her blog is about art. Which I love. Her art is pretty good by my standards so head on over to and check it out.

I should be paid to be advertising these blogs. Lol

Second follower!

So I now have two followers. My second follower is my best friend. Check out his blog at He's new so give him a chance, k guys? You're welcome for the user traffic dude.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Hobby found!

I just wanted to let you guys know that I love blogging. I never thought that I would. It's something I like to do. I enjoy it. I love taking pictures and videos and posting it for you guys to see. I suppose this is my hobby now. I feel like I have a purpose and I'm not some bum doing nothing all day long.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Trini Cuisine: Empandas

I'm typing with one hand here. Enjoying some delicious noms and as promised I'm bringing pictures and a recipe for you to try. I've always had a love for (fried)cornmeal and I love meat so why not put it together? This is what the Trini's call 'empanadas'. Other Caribbean islands will call it something else. I found this recipe in the Naparima Girls' Cookbook. Apparently some school here in Trinidad made a whole cookbook. It's been around FOREVER. Trust me on this one. So here's the recipe:

4 cups cornmeal
1/2 cup flour
2 tsp. salt
water to bind
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp Cookeen (instead of using this, I used this. I JUST realized. Still tastes pretty good though)
3 tsp baking powder (which I TOTALLY forgot)
1/2 lb ground beef
1/2 tsp salt (I put two tsp. I sucked at cooking today. Oh em gee)
2 tbsp oil (to brown beef)
seasonings to taste (salt, pepper, garlic, onion etc)


  • Season ground beef and brown in oil
  • Prepare cornmeal mixture:
    • Sift flour, salt, baking powder and cornmeal together
    • Add butter and Cookeen and using fingertips, mix thoroughly until mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs
    • Add enough water to make a soft dough
    • Knead lightly
    • Cut into pieces the size of a small egg and flatten to 1/8 to 1/2 inch
  • Put about 1 tbsp meat on one circle, dampen the edge and cover with second circle
  • Squeeze the edges together (gently!) and fry in hot oil until golden brown
  • Drain on brown paper and serve hot
And here are the pictures!!

This is what my cornmeal mixture turned out to look like. It ended up to be too dry. The mixture should be sticky and annoying to work with.

Minced beef! Om nom nom. It's got salt, black pepper, garlic and onions in it. We were out of homemade green seasoning *sad face*

Cooking up the filling. Om nom nom!


Sperm donor came to take over the whole operation. Spoiled me mood man!

These were the ones I made

The sperm donor destroyed it! Look at that huge crack!

Almost done making them...

Onwards to frying!

First one out of the fryer. Check out the golden brown deliciousness

So this is what it looked inside. The outside was nice and crispy but the inside wasn't cooked all the way so the others got an extra couple minutes. Still tasted great.

Bite taken out of it. Yum-o

Golden-brown deliciousnesses. Note how the one the sperm donor ruined is being nom'd


Finished! Note how the sperm donor's own looks

Broke one in half....

...and took a bite. Yum!

This is what my plate looked like while I was writing this

Soooooo goooooodd!! Notice my handwritten recipe underneath the plate

So now my tummy is full and I'm feeling so sleepy *yawns* So that's my cooking. Hope you enjoyed! Tell me how yours came out.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


So these are a couple pictures I took today with my phone. Not too great quality, I know. That's why I want a REAL camera for Christmas (see my Christmas wishlist) but I'm doing ok(ish) with my phone. So here are the pics:

Random cloud that I thought I should take a picture of

Sunset on the highway

Saturday, December 18, 2010


So you guys I was minding my business watching tv and when I looked outside I saw this gem.

I swear it brightened my whole effing day. I felt awesome to see it. I have never once seen this in real life. A fully formed rainbow, y'all. All the way. Not a piece. A WHOLE RAINBOW. And what made it even awesome was that it was a DOUBLE RAINBOW.

P.S. In a couple days I'm gonna cook for you guys. Stay tuned! 

Adventures around the interwebs

Check this out you guys. Brain magic. Blew my fucking mind. Watch til the end.

Adventures around the interwebs

I'm totally into art and stuff like that. I hardly have creativity but I have a great appreciation for art and culture and the like. I found this on StumbleUpon and I just wanted to share this with you guys. The song is totally awesome too. I got the name of the artiste but not the name of the song itself. Can anyone help me out?

Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

I'm so sorry to be writing so late but at least I'm writing, right? I mean, how many 18 year olds write to you for Christmas?

The beginning of this year was rough for me and I admit that I have been naughty for a bit of the year. I've changed though. I've been good for the rest of the year. So I'd like to present to you my Christmas wishlist. By the way, it's okay if I can't have it all.

  1. Digital camera. Specifically this one:

     2. Memory card for camera above:

     3. Victoria's Secret Love Spell perfume:

     4. Purple Ipod (8GB):

Thanks in advance Santa!

Friday, December 17, 2010


Look at this cute vid you guys!!! OH EM GEE!!! Check out the kitten that fell on his back. He looked like he was sleeping. Squeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicken Bonanza!!

This is what you guys have been waiting for!

I live in a yard with 20 to 30 chickens. These things are crazy mindless creatures. I swear. Exhibit A: Chicken on the roof

Yes that is a genuine chicken on the roof. It flew up there. By itself. It hopped up the stairs...

...hopped onto the basin, then to the wall, now it's on the roof.

Then it walked to the back of the house where its little chicken friends were waiting....

Then it jumped the fuck off. The above picture shows the chicken about 5 seconds away from flapping down to the yard to its chicken-y friends. (Kudos to Paint! Yup that's my handwriting!)

Exhibit B of chicken mindlessness:
HINT: That's not our house!

The chicken jumped the wall and was attempting to LAY AN EGG on the neighbour's property. Mindless much?

They flap a lot too. And they do this shaky thing. Equivalent to a dog shaking. They pluff up they're feathers and shake. Bits of dirt and bird dust are dislodged from wherever they come from under those feathers.

And now for the videos! I have to tell you guys that YouTube sent me an email congratulating me on my first YouTube upload. It was kinda freaky.... The titles and descriptions say it all. Enjoy.

P.S. Oh em gee! I totally forgot! The other day I went out to collect the eggs and this is what I got:

There were about 20+ eggs but some were leftover from the day before when I forgot to get them.